My Dear Brother's Dream Come True
by RandomShnuf
Summary: Kurloz writes about the Makara Family Big Top Circus. He tells all his secrets to the fame brought from the Gamzee Freak Show. From mermaids to lions, he lets it all out into one journal. (Would this count as hurt/comfort? I'm not sure)
1. Welcome To The Makara Family Circus

AN: This is going to be a chapter story for sure about the process of a horrid dream come true and it's downfall. I have no idea how often I'll be posting stories so I won't have any deadline set. You can request/suggest me any story you'd like me to write, but I am not going to guarantee that I'll write it. I will keep it in mind. If you want to check my profile put this at the end of the url ~randomshnuf . Thank You for reading }:O)

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Everyone motherfuckin' loves the circus. Who doesn't? You have clowns, elephants, and other fuckin' entertainers. Especially my motherfuckin' circus. I have the best of the best motherfuckers you could ask for. They ain't animals, they ain't human. They're both. Of course, only some people knew and some didn't. Now my question is, why motherfuckin' burn it down?

We were the greatest! We had the best "FX" and "actors". We were the "nicest" and the most "charitable". We were the cheapest, the funniest, and the best. With the most sudden rise to fame, beating out the big tops. If you saw the shows and practice everyday, than you wouldn't get shocked by the cold, hard truth... Right?

We were a freak show, and purely have the freakiest we can get. Sure, they were only children, but they grew to become use to what they got. Having these kids gave perks. They live longer and stay longer, which helps pay the bills. We have an oath, and because they can't break it, it becomes punishment for running from their family. If they ran from him, not all of them do. Another perk is seeing all the changes happen to people. Science is such a motherfuckin' interesting miracle. Who would have thought people would live through the shit that gets done.

You must wonder why I'm motherfuckin' writing this or what I'm even fuckin' talking about. The fire is some horrid shit that I might get into later in this story, if I ever finish it. What I'm writing is about the legend of the Makara Family Big Top Circus. I'm going to start this shit back up when I get back on my feet. Its my father's fuckin' legacy and I have to keep it going. I continued this circus years ago with my younger brother after father's death. The one sad thing about my family is that we have a disease that runs through us only. There is no cure for it, no symptoms, not even a name. One day you get ill, lay in the bed all days until you get paralysed all over. Then, you die. This all happens from a week to about two months. Normally happens when you get to age forty, until now.

We had a normal circus. We had regular clowns, acrobats, animals, ect. My brother didn't want any of that. He doodled pictures of people who were half human and half animal. He wrote about them and how they would become what they were. My dear brother was very motherfuckin' imaginative and smart. Yeah, he had his years of smoking any shit he can roll up, but that doesn't mean he didn't keep to his studies. He loved science, and if it wasn't for the fact that we were part of the circus forever he would have grown to be a fantastic scientist.

Unfortunately, one day he had fallen ill just like our father. He kept up with his story of the freak show everyday he was bed ridden. He told me one day that he wanted his dream to come true. He held my face in his hand and said to me, "Kurbro, motherfucker, I want a freak show. I want my dream to be real. I want all those little motherfuckers in the crowd to look at this circus in awe. More than any other fuckin' circus out there."

Then, his hands fell.

I took all his papers that had anything to do with the freak show he dreamed about. I wanted everything to be real. Here in the circus everything you motherfuckin' own, the others own, too. Everyone was family in the circus. There was nothing that Gamzee owned that I could keep close to me; he even shared his clothes. This freak show was the only thing left.

As I watched the lions feed on his corpse, the tradition our family kept for years, I look through all the numbers I had. I knew plenty of people from running the circus for years. A few of them were in the science and/or medical field. The perks of being the "nice guy" was that you helped a lot of people. A lot of people who still fuckin' owed you.

I had a few come down to the circus for a little vacationing, all expenses paid for coming on such short notice. They came, families by their sides. I was always the "smooth talker", able to get who or what I wanted without question. Most of their spouses were not happy with their choice of joining the circus and "throwing everything away". Either they left their spouse and took the children or stayed because of me. There are people who I don't want to keep, and then there are people who look a little too much like my brother's motherfuckin' characters. I couldn't just throw away something so perfect.

It wasn't like anyone was throwing away their life. Life is much more better when you join a circus that was getting enough money to keep everyone living. When you travel with the circus, your life's paid off. You get good medical help, you get all the food you need, all the things you want, and all the freedom you want; after practice of course. Do your job and everything would be fine. If you decided to travel with us, you have to promise to never leave. It's all that motherfuckin' simple.

Man was I good at getting my way. Not only was I able to get all these doctors and surgeons to join me without a second thought, I was able to convince them to start the experiments on their own motherfuckin' family. They were young children and old people, and they motherfuckin' screamed everywhere at first. Our circus members were shocked, but one way or another I got them to ease up. Even if that meant losing a couple of members.

As I said before, there were constantly children who came to the circus to travel. Leaving their families or just looking for a job; spots were constantly being taken all the time. The younger they are, the easier they adapt to most of the experiments that went on. One way or another the surgical hybrids were created and trained well enough to start their first show. On my brother's birthday, too.

That was the start of the Gamzee Freak Show. Everyone dressed to represent my motherfuckin' brother's style. The costumes were mostly black and purple. There were splashes of bright colors here and there because Zee loved colors. The first show went perfect; just as planned. The audience was excited to see such amazing "props" and the use of fantastic "FX makeup" never seen before. All the members did what most wouldn't be able to do. Every since then, the Circus grew huge, and there were constantly sold out shows everywhere we went.

The audience never knew what truly went on. What had to be done to put those smiles on all the member's faces during every show. All the work that went into this. For all of it to go in flames. In this journal, I'll let all those secrets free.


	2. The Start Of It All

AN: YEA! ANOTHER ENTRY! The first of the freakshow shall be seen! This is exciting! I hope you enjoy the read }:D

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I remember the first day I actually brought up the fuckin' experiments. I asked all the doctors if they were willing to test on people, making everyone surgical lab rats. There was on in particular that stood out, Dr. Dukan Ampora.

"Now why in the world would I do that to my _own_ family!" He was definitely upset by my question

"You already fuckin' joined Dr. Ampora. You knew that you were going to do surgery to those who need it. At this moment, _your_ family is of use. I won't have them stay to motherfuckin' lounge around and do nothing. They joined in and now they can't leave. I could always try to do it myself... But we can see where that got me." I said, showing him the scars of when I tried to sew my wound as a child. I was too afraid at the time to show my father that is was badly injured, so I did some amateur sewing.

He eyed my scars, "What are we even doing this for?"

"Why for the motherfuckin' circus, of course. I thought we should get a freak show. In celebration for the circus' 100th birthday and possibly my late brother's birthday. If we get it ready on time. And by 'if' I mean we will fuckin' get it ready on time."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this. There is no way I am going to do surgery on my family so they can become _freaks_. What are you even planning on doing to them?" He asked, on the verge of yelling

"I would tell you, but it seems you really don't want to see them live." I shrugged him off as I went for a juggling pin.

"What do you mean by that." He asked, worry in his voice. He was slowly easing into my trap.

"Oh, well I'm just going to have to beat them to death is all. Once you decided to become apart of the Makara family, you can't go back. I'm always literal on my word and I do what I have to make them exit. If killing them is what I have to do, then killing them is what _will_ be done." I began walking away, flipping the pin in my hand.

"Wait!" He called out, "You aren't serious? You aren't going to murder them?"

"Duh. I can't have them being a waste of space. Don't worry, no one will care. Your family outside of who you brought have already been informed to never try to get in contact again. They have every motherfuckin' thing taken from them anyways." It's not like I'm lying

"What do you mean everything was already taken? The family wouldn't just leave us like that! They would be worried. Just let my wife bring the children home!"

"Like hell I would. I arrange to get everything you owned sold, your house included. I have a very persuasive way of getting around, Dr. Ampora. But don't worry, I'm using all the money _I_ got from selling all _your_ junk on you. I'm keeping it aside for when you need it. So if you'd like, they could all die on the streets, but it might be better if I kill them now and feed them to the lions, as tradition in the Makara family." I made sure to keep the cursing on a low down. He'll get more drawn in the calmer I am because I sound much more serious. It's not like all of that's been done at that specific time. I did sell all items, but the house was still up for negotiation. A few more contracts to sign and it was later given to me.

"There is no way y-"

"There are plenty of ways I could have done that. You pretty much signed all your lives to me. If only you read the contract you signed. Just because I was talking didn't mean you had to listen. There was a lot more info in the contract than there was in my words. You would have realized that all the expenses paid to live here wouldn't come so easily. It even says here that I can do whatever I want to you when I want. Even if that meant to off you for good." I pulled out a copy of the contract and pointed out all that was in there. He looked at me in horror, and all I could do was smirk. That's what he get when he signs with the motherfuckin' devil.

He kept opening and closing his mouth at a loss of words. Sometimes I really wonder how people like him got his job. He could call his family and ask what they knew, which was nothing. There's a guy named Jake who, even though his British accent is normally heavy, is very good at impersonating other people's voices. Give him one hidden recording of someone and he'll get it on the spot. He did the calls to whoever needed to be called later, after the conversation. I was always motherfuckin' glad to have him in the family.

"Fine." He finally gave in after several more bad attempts at getting around. Dr. Ampora proves that some people are only good at one subject. He's also pretty selfish for wanting his family to stay alive and become freaks just so he can see them. I would have killed my family myself if I was put in the same situation. Then again, I guess I really have no right to say anything on the matter.

Since he finally caved, I told him all I wanted to do. We started on his wife, Connie, and his son, Eridan. Saving his other two motherfuckin' daughters and one son for later when all experiments were approved and fuckin' functioning. I stated that I wanted to turn them into the mermaid creatures of my brother's dreams. They had gills on their necks and motherfuckin' tails for the bottom half of their bodies. Now, the scientist hired were in charge of creating a way for the mermaids to breath underwater and on land. Being that the tricks would have to deal more with jumping in and out of water, they would need to handle fast transitions. There were gills created from their body and all the other "fishy parts" were created in the small lab room. All the surgeons added whatever needed when everything was ready.

The big thing that could be done, and was eventually done, was the tails. It wouldn't be possible for them to swim without their legs. The surgeons had to take very thick string and try to thread it through the motherfuckin' legs of his wife and son. They needed to close tightly and be sewed almost halfway through the leg, next to their bones, to get a tighter grip without it being broken. Then, different shimmery colored, thick material was wrapped tightly to their legs and sewed carefully enough so that no marks could be seen. The material would flare out by the feet to look just like a shimmering fuckin' mermaid tail.

The last thought was to find a way to get them both double jointed at the knees. If it was possible, then the flow of their tails while swimming would be perfect. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible at the moment everything was getting everything planed. It was later figured out, but never used.

The night of the surgery was not pleasant. I stood at the entrance to the surgery room as Connie and Eridan were being manhandled down the hall. I had a juggling pin readied at my hand for if something happen, and apparently, it was needed. Cronus couldn't stand that his little brother and his mother were being carried away by a bunch of the weightlifters. I took one good swing at his head and down he went. The two girls were at his side right away, staring in fear at my face. I had them carry, or more like drag, their older motherfuckin' brother back to their room.

At the surgery room, since there was no anesthesia to use at the time, Connie had to go through the surgery yelling at the top of her lungs. It was no surprise when she had to get her fuckin' legs tied together. She kept kicking every chance she had, and that wasn't helping at all. Eridan, however, was motherfuckin' knocked out during both his mother's and his own surgery. He looses a lot of air fast and passes out very easily. Something I took note of.

By the end of the surgery, Dr. Ampora was visibly tired out from the verbal and mental abuse this brought him. He did leave several times to take a fuckin' breather and the other surgeons took over. In the end, both of their tails were perfect except for a bit of scarring at the top. That was easily covered up later by the underwater outfits given to them for show. An opening at the top of the tails were needed to give way for any motherfuckin' excrements that would be let out later, so the scars weren't a big deal.

For days they were left to practice their swimming as best they could while the scientist were at work. The other three kids were in pure shock to see their younger brother and mother so deformed and struggling. This encouraged them to get the surgery done as soon as motherfuckin' possible. All they wanted to do was give as much support to the two new performers as they could, even if that meant becoming one, too.

I'm not exactly sure how the scientist made the "fishy parts", but soon enough Eridan and Connie were back to surgery to get what was needed for underwater performances. Connie, unfortunately, died during surgery, her body unable to handle what the organs being put in her body. Her family was heartbroken, but I'm motherfuckin' positive the lions were very happy to eat some human meat again. Eridan was perfectly fine with surgery. Taking the medication needed to adapt to the new organs, he was soon fine on his own within a week. It might have been that he was just a growing child that brought him to be so easily adapted.

The three others had their surgery done, soon joining their brother in the new fish tank that they lived in. Jake and his sister, Jade, didn't have much of a job other than helping with negotiations, so I put them on fish duty. They cleaned the fish bowl and feed them just like gigantic pet fishes. The only difference was that the mermaids are allowed out the bowl once a day to lay out on land. Maybe even be treated to normal motherfuckin' dinners at the table if they did a job well done. Needless to say, they lived a good life and did a fantastic job at shows.

Was it cruel that I did this? Yes, of course. Trainings were harsh and it took a long time to find body makeup that didn't wash away in the water. Training was rough, especially when you had only a year to get all of them ready. Less if you count the motherfuckin' time it took to get their fuckin' surgeries done in the first place. Do I care? No motherfuckin' way. Why would I? My goal was to bring myself closer to my brother, so why would I care about the feelings of the performers? Once again, their lives were given up to me via contract. After the first few performances, the motehrfuckers didn't want to leave. Seeing all those little motherfuckers watching awe was enough for them to be happy with what they became. They were so beautiful that people said they didn't fuckin' belong in a "freak show". They were all oblivious to what they were, so they wouldn't understand.

That was the start. Those fuckers were the first completed performers, but they weren't the only ones being worked on. There were many, _many_ more to be done. Some that had better, and some who had worse.

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AN: I know I kind of made who would be mermaids a little obvious, but there will be more. I hope to be able to add as many kids as I can get, and then maybe a few people like Bro and Dad if possible. I actually really enjoy writing this! Again, I hope you enjoyed the read!


	3. Who Said They Weren't Real?

Around the time of Cronus and his sisters' surgeries, the motherfuckin' circus had to go on the road. They were performed in the trucks and the performers were constantly moving from one truck to the other. It was a complicated process, but the job got done in the end.

Also around that time, a few runaways had come to the trucks during a driving break. It should I say, two fuckin' runaways, one distressed brother and a "drag along". Tavros Nitram, a boy who hadn't even reached teen hood, ran from home with his "girlfriend" Vriska. Apparently, the motherfucker couldn't handle the shit that gone down at home and wanted to leave it all. Unable to live with out the "girl next door", he brought Vriska along. She told me she was the adventurous one, so she went along. His older brother, Rufioh, heard about his brother leaving home, and since his parents were too busy doing what they were doing, he ran to find him. Oddly enough, the motherfucker didn't force Tavros home. He dragged the Vriska's cousin, Aranea, along with him for help. Aranea was not exactly to happy to go.

I was sitting outside the truck speaking with Dr. Lalonde about her daughter's school life, not really interested. I was smoking a cigarette, a new thing I did after confiscating Cronus's pack. Kind of hypocritical and a little fuckin' stupid, since I do have whatever motherfuckin' runs in my family, too. The little Tavros kid ran up to me yapping some "Oh wow! You are a circus clown aren't you!" all over the place. I still had the clown makeup from helping out with practice so it wasn't surprising.

I humored the kid, taking a horn a making a few jokes. He was easily amused like most kids, but he stopped the second he heard his brother. The motherfucker was yelling about not talking to strangers and what not. I just stood there waiting until Aranea came to speak with me. They all came from the circus' next destination, and after a little talking I decided to bring them with me. Rufioh refused a bit, but in the end he came along to.

I kept them so that, if I felt like it, I could use them. I kept looking between the pictures from my brother. I was at a loss of what to do with the kids. For a moment, I was debating leaving them when the motherfuckers got home. Of course, Tavros isn't the quietest of kids. He came running in yelling about the mermaids. I don't know how he saw them if they were in another truck, but that wasn't my problem. My problem was his grubby hands grabbing at Gamzee's drawings. He kept ogling them, and when I took one from him he would take another. Then, he found one specific drawing he liked.

The fairies.

"It's a fairy! I love fairies! Do you have any fairy costumes? I want to wear one!" The motherfucker kept babbling a mile a minute. Such a smart kid, giving me ideas.

"I don't have any motherfuckin' fairy costumes," I smiled, "But I can make you one if you want."

The little guy's eyes grew to the size of the fish bowl at that statement. He was very excited and asked me to make some for the other three. I snickered and shooed him out, reassuring him that there will be something for everyone. And I mean _all_ of them.

I had my usual discussions with the scientist, planning on what to make next. I had them make artificial wings that can connect to the nerves, so they could flutter and move more fluently than regular remote-controlled machinery. It had to blend to skin and be as realistic as possible. It wasn't much to them, seeing as they would just need costumes and makeup. That's what I thought at the time.

When the first pair of wing was created, I went to get Tavros. He looked like the happiest motherfucker to hear that he could finally get the costume he wanted. He was happy, until I knocked him out with my pin. I had the surgery go as planned. It was easier with the kid knocked out on the table than have him screaming the whole time. I had enough of that with the others performers.

To say that Rufioh and Aranea were shocked would be an understatement. They were freaking out when they saw the little motherfucker, trying to get their phones. When they finally realized they didn't have their phones I showed them a little baggy. Inside was the crushed fragments of what use to being their fuckin' cell phones. I'm going to say this again, Jake is the best motherfucker I could have in this family.

The wings were soon moving on their own, and the motherfucker was fluttering everywhere. I had the scientist work their magic on the other three. They practiced a lot, and while they couldn't fly, the wings were motherfuckin' perfect. It was unfortunate that one had to go to waste.

The little girl Vriska hated having the wings. She said she felt like the worst thing in the world that should die. She gained suicidal tendencies and eventually did kill her self. It was a shame that she couldn't live with herself. She was the prettiest one there, and she was very good at controlling the wings when needed. She's ended as just another one for the lions.

Rufioh took the time helping his little motherfucker get over the loss of his little girlfriend. It was actually shocking that Rufioh was the fastest learner out of the three, and the most enthusiastic. He was actually _happy_ with the new wings. All he wanted to do was practice and play with his wings. He even told me he _never _wants to leave. I was glad for this change of heart, and to this day he was one of the best performs I had.

They were very simple, until we finally got to the destination. Rufioh suddenly remembered what brought him to his new transformation. He tried everything in his power to get away, but I knew all to well. Dirk, one of the many weight lifters, and Dave, the music creator/coordinator, had their eyes on those three; when Rufioh tried to make a run for it with the others, they had the motherfuckers captured and brought back. Rufioh kept screaming and shouting, Tavros and Aranea joining in. I knocked the three of them out. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with them during that time. If they actually ran, their parents would be able to find them and all would be taken from me.

There was only one thing I could do. Change their faces and shut them up for motherfuckin' good. I had the doctors pull out a few teeth at the back of each kid's mouth. They then cut the skins of the kids mouth to get a better look at the inside. They sewed each mouth closed from the inside so they weren't visible. After that, they did the best plastic surgery they could on the three to make them look different. It changed them, but my problem was the eyes. The kids were the types that had eyes that would never be forgotten. The type that you look at and say "Hey, that's the motherfucker from wherever." There was one last thing to do.

I had their fuckin' eyes switched. How the surgeons got the eyes to move like normal confused me, but I didn't care. They stayed blind for the rest of their lives. They learned how to follow their hearing, and with their eyes being able to move they pulled off the "I can totally see all you little motherfuckers" act. The boys got dual colored eyes, brown and blue, and Aranea was given two different brown eyes. A bit of makeup here and there, and everything was good. The audience loved them and that was all I needed.

Funny how it was supposed to be a freak show, yet everyone looked so beautiful. You wouldn't think it was if it wasn't for the fact that they had surgeries. If the audience saw them before the transformation, they would be very disturbed. All I motherfuckin' care about was that this was a success. I got one step closers.

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AN: YEA! Another entry! *overly excited clapping* I was so excited about continuing this. I got such good reviews and I don't even know how to handle myself. *squeal* I'm glad you are liking this. I feel like I sound a little too hyper and cheery in these ANs than I would seem... especially with this fic I'm writing... I don't know why I love such sinister stuff like this, I just do.

I had an idea that, since I won't be explaining to much about outfit designs and colors, I would give a little bonus chapter explaining them. It would be put in the end when the last chapter is posted (whenever that will be). I want to know what you guys think. Tell me if you'd like the bonus or if you rather just have your own ideas in your head based off the color theme from the... uh... the first chapter right? I'm so forgetful. I thought that would be nice for like... I guess fanart if anyone would like to do something. I'm thinking of doing my own and posting it on tumblr... But its still in the thought process.

I also would like to wish all my fellow American readers a happy 4th of July!


	4. My Regret

Another day, another motherfuckin' surprise. I never know what to expect when I am with this circus. I definitely not expecting Dirk to tear his vein. He was previously mentioned as a weightlifter. He was the biggest out of everyone and his veins popped out the most. He was doing a show when suddenly, he dropped one of the largest dumbbells we had. Everyone was confused what happen, and from the look he gave me I knew there was a motherfuckin' problem. I put Equius out for show and took Dirk to get checked. Apparently, while lifting, his hand slipped and he went to try to get the dumbbell before it hit ground. That was a bad move.

He twisted his arm just a little too much at the shoulder and fuckin' tore his vein. He was slowly bleeding, but it was kind of weird. Because of the muscles, a lot of blood would gush out, but also because of the muscles the blood would have some trouble flowing out quickly. In the end he wouldn't have the motherfuckin' time to actually fix it. By the time they found out it was too late.

The motherfucker knew his fate and decided he wanted to be killed on the spot. He rather get his death over with and be feed to the lions. He didn't want Dave to see him before he died; he knew that it would be easier for Dave to handle after the fact rather than before he got fed to lions. They were very close friends, and it would be to much for Dave to handle. With the things that go on in the circus, that wasn't going to be so simple.

We didn't realize that there was a motherfuckin' intermission. Dirk sat on the floor because he was so much taller than me. I had my pin at the ready, since it is the one weapon I'm use to. Killing anyone who trespassed, causing too much trouble, or just simply can't be used anymore is something I'm motherfuckin' familiar with. My father had me and my brother take turns when someone had to go. I had been thinking of having Jake join me. I can't do everything myself and he is a huge help to me already.

As I was saying, I had my pin at the ready when Dave walks in. He stood for a while shocked; his shade couldn't even hide his emotions at that moment. I heard his preset music playing outside for intermissions. Dave stood a while and I thought he was going to let me fuckin' continue. I just went to swing when he ran to my side. Motherfucker held my arm screaming profanities. I took a step aside, seeing how this was going. He lost all cool and went all out yelling at me. Dirk spoke up and told Dave what we had discussed before.

Dave couldn't handle how fast that happen, just seeing his motherfuckin' brother do his job moments before. He knew the rules of the contract and after a while of trying to find a way around Dirk's death, he let me continue. I smacked my pin to the top of his head. I went a little to motherfuckin' hard; pieces of wood splintered and blood splattered. I knew I wasn't going to be able to fix the gash on the pin so I later threw it away.

Jake, several clowns, and I carried Dirk over to the lions cage. Once again Dave freaked out. He begged me to give him a proper burial. I kept refusing him, telling that motherfucker that Dirk was a proud Makara member and deserved the traditional let go. Dave got upset a started swinging at me. He got me with a good couple of punches before Jake held him off. Jake was pretty forceful and yelled very loudly. I never seen him so motherfuckin' angry before.

Jake cursed at Dave, telling him that it was a disgrace that he was trying to break tradition. That Dirk asked for this and was okay with it. He even threatened that he would "off" Dave himself if it wasn't for the fact that no one else can get the music in order like him. He then kicked Dave out because the intermission almost came to a motherfuckin' end.

That was something I've never seen Jake do. He even slipped a few "motherfucks" in his shouting. He was always the type to follow in the Makara family code, but that was pretty far compared to his cheery self.

The lions fed on Dirks lifeless corpse and Dave had a deadly glare from behind his shades directed to me everyday. Then again, the death of his brother wasn't the only thing that caused those glares. He was friends with many of the workers. To be more specific, I would have to say Karkat Vantas.

Karkat Vantas and his brother, Kankri, worked as the cleaning crew. They cleaned most of the animals; the elephant home were where they were normally found. I would normally say everyone's name without their last name because once you join the circus you were a Makara. The only exceptions would be formally speaking to doctors or scientist. I had one issues

I. Motherfuckin'. Hate. Karkat. Vantas.

He was once my brother's motherfuckin' boyfriend, and a horrid one at that. Yes, he always made Gamzee smile. Yes, he helped a lot with keeping Gamzee away from drugs as long as possible, but he just wasn't excepting. He was sad when Gamzee died, but not heart broken. He simply stated that everyone was going to die one day without a single tear! That wasn't even the motherfuckin' worse part.

He fuckin' defiled the family name! He cursed us and said that we were all the worse motherfuckin' people in the world. I told him that Gamzee would want to be taken to the lions. That he was happier that way and that I had plans for him. The motherfucker wanted none of that. He even tried to take Gamzee's corpse and steal it before the lions could get a bite! I would have motherfuckin' killed him for what he did if it wasn't for two things. He _was Gamzee's motherfuckin' boyfriend_, and that I wanted the motherfucker to suffer.

I admit that I am a bully. I was and always will be one to Karkat Vantas. I drove him like a slave and beat him when I wanted to. We hated each other to no end. He even tried fighting back; I still have the scars from when he bit my leg. We couldn't pass one another without fighting. I once shoved him face first into an elephant's ass. He later shoved my arm inside up to the elbow.

It's sad actually. We were very close friends, and I was the one who got that motherfucker together with my brother. I wish I had never did that to begin with. Kankri, however, was a good motherfucker. He was religious and didn't like all my cursing, but he was still a good guy. He just yapped way to fuckin' much.

One day, when I was really pissed off, I got an idea. Karkat Vantas was yelling his head off about me dunking him into the fishbowl. He got back at me by breaking my favorite juggling pins. I ran off to my office to cool my head. There was a week left at the current town, and then we leave. I just needed to stay calm till the trucks were loaded. I looked over several of my brother's pictures to get some ideas of what I should do next. I scanned over one that caught my interest. A picture of a double-headed body with four leg and two arms had hit the floor. It was a little lopsided, one being shorter than the other.

It was perfect. I just needed one person's opinion before I did anything. So I had Kankri come to my office for a discussion. He was very surprised to hear that I wanted to add him and his brother to the freak show. He thought I was going the "I'm going to do my shit and you all have to deal with it" type of business with the freak show. He expected me to never personally ask anyone. I knew that whatever motherfuckin' talk he was going to give wouldn't change the fact that he wanted to do the surgery. It's really selfish of him, but he really wanted to be a part of the fuckin' freak show. He loved the idea and he told me once before that I could use him whenever I wanted.

I made sure to tell him that I was doing this to get at his motherfuckin' brother. I could tell that Kankri was a little upset about the reason I would do this, but let it go. We planned the surgery with all the surgeons; with a knocked out Karkat Vantas, everything went as planned.

The surgery was another complicated one. In order to meld the two together, they had to lose both of their arms. Kankri had to have a small piece of his arm persevered to connect the two, since he was taller than motherfuckin' Karkat Vantas. They had to be connected at the hip, but disconnected by their legs. It was hard to take out the bones and sew the veins, but after ten hours all was finished.

The two had to walk around without shirts for a long time before there was one sewed for them. They angled into a slight 'V' because of how the surgery was performed. The two tables that were put together had the slightest motherfuckin' gap that they both sunk into a bit. Those lazy as surgeons; this is what they got for doing it without Dr. Ampora.

As you could guess, the motherfucker was beyond angry, but he couldn't get to me. Kankri wouldn't let Karkat Vantas get into any fights, and I had to stopped shoving him places. In order for me to get Karkat Vantas into certain places, I had to pull Kankri along. I wasn't fuckin' having it and left the two to clean together like they always did.

They were later called The Topsy Turvy Twins because of their height difference. I loved that I could have the last laugh in my battle with Karkat Vantas, but I know for a fact Gamzee was looking down at me in shame for doing that to his boyfriend. I only ever thought of my fun and not about Gamzee when I created them.

I... I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from fusing the two together...

I regret _everything_ I had ever done to Karkat Vantas.

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AN: *GASP* Kurloz does have regrets! Well here goes another chapter. *Brushes non-existent eraser shavings off lap* I did this one late since I was out all day. I can't remember if I mentioned already, but I'm trying to get a chapter done everyday. I might miss a day, but I still try (I just made it. Its almost 11:55 pm!)

I've been thinking it over and I'll be making around 10-12 chapters. One of those would be the bonus outfit descriptions, and there is a chapter I'm debating on adding. Its more towards the end, so I'll see then. I have a while so all of you would just have to wait and see. *Super Happy Smile*


	5. My Best Bro

AN: Yea super short chapter. I _might_ post another chapter to make up for missing a day, since I wasn't actually busy. I lost track of time and kind of fucked up... So we'll see.

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I wrote before that I had to kill trespassers. There a lot of people who think it is motherfuckin' great to see behind the scenes of the circus. We do give out passes to lucky motherfuckers to see what goes on before and after the show. That is, of course, when we schedule the times. For years circus' taught animals how to do their tricks with the use of fear. The fear was brought with 'slight' abuse; whipping them and 'poking' them. Its harder with the elephants than any other animal performer we have. No one is supposed to ever motherfuckin' know we do that; if we have to make a kill and make it look like an accident, it will be done.

I was use to that. I believe every circus does this, not just mine. There was a group of motherfuckers one day who got a glimpse of the twins. They look between the ages 16 and 21; they snuck into the back and walked around everyone. There were a lot of objects to hide behind because we were all getting motherfuckin' ready to load the trucks. We had finished the last show and had a new destination. I had the twins clean the animal "leftovers" and some others lead the animals to their specific trucks.

One grown man who had 3D like glasses went up to Kankri, asking what happen. Of course, that was shocking to both those motherfuckers. I happen to have walked in at that moment to see the man and three others with him. Being that there was no outsiders around and the tent was still up, I decided to go "ape shit" on them. I hit each one of those motherfuckers with my pin, getting way to use to hitting people on the head. I stole the car keys from the older woman who seemed to be Asian. Handing them to Jake and having him do whatever he wanted. He was very good at making motherfuckin' fake car crash deaths. They stay hidden very well and only years later, when they would have just been bones, will the car be found.

I had the four tied to a chair and waited for them to wake up. One at a time they woke up and I questioned them. I debated using them for experiments, but I changed my mind. I killed the man and the girl who had ridiculously motherfuckin' long hair. The youngest of the four woke up, he looked a lot like the older man. He had dual colored eyes and long bangs. He stuttered a lot and yelled, and soon I realized he was mentally handicapped. He was very flippy, calling me an asshole, having a mental breakdown, and then apologizing in three motherfuckin' minutes.

There was something about him that kept me from killing him. He was... well he was motherfuckin' cute. There really is no other way of describing him. The motherfucker sputtered everywhere and at some point we talked like normal. We started talking like he wasn't tied to a chair. Like his older brother wasn't just motherfuckin' killed and I didn't have blood all over me. Like the Asian girl wasn't waking up and screaming her head off.

She kept screaming at him for being a "fucking retard" and talking to a "murderous maniac". I didn't like her so I was just going to kill her on the spot. I stood up and swung my pin the air to just stop mid motherfuckin' fall. I couldn't kill another person knowing that the boy was awake in the room. I didn't want him to see his friend be murder; to see the motherfucker dead and to witness the motherfucker's death are two different feelings. I opted to carry her out in her chair and do it in another room. I later took the other two bodies and burn them along with the Asian girl. They aren't Makaras, they don't deserve to be eaten by lions.

I actually cleaned the room of all the blood and continued my conversation with the boy. His name was Mituna, and, as I thought, he was mentally handicap. He knew that for a fact and said he was perfectly fine with telling people, but he had trouble speaking to most. After talking awhile, I got use to seeing his flips. From calm to cursing like it was the end of the motherfuckin' world, I got an understanding of the way he speaks. He actually never spoke in anger, and I thought maybe he might not be able to hate.

I made sure that the rest of the circus crew got use to Mituna's way of speaking also. I had him come along, and he seemed to have forgotten about the deaths of his friends and brother in general. He was really motherfuckin' forgetful to the point of asking me if he could call his brother. I don't know how everything he was told and saw got erased from his mind, but I kept telling him that his brother was too busy. We became the close friends to the point that I would drop everything I was motherfuckin' doing to help him. He had his problems of being a little to... inappropriate with the ladies, and he constantly need help with talking to them "correctly". We got around to fixing it eventually.

It added much more work on my hands just caring for Mituna's _and_ trying to get this freak show ready. He did help a lot with costumes. We eventually did hire a tailor for the freak show outifts; when she was having a hard time getting the idea of how to sew certain outfits, Mituna would be there giving her ideas on how to make the fit.

Mituna is the greatest motherfucker I could have ever been friends with. I love Mituna.

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AN: Well... I couldn't bring myself to kill Mituna... I was going to keep Damara, but I couldn't. I only wanted one to live... but looks like no new mutations. Just a little memory of a good friend. 1/3 happy, 1/3 sad, 1/3 FEEEEEELZ!


	6. The Family's All Here

AN: YEA! Another Chapter yet again! I love writing this story! Its so much fun! I hope you enjoy reading this!

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About a month of traveling and performing went by like a flash. Not much had happen and everyone was motherfuckin' happier than ever. We reached yet another destination for our performances. Everyone was pitching the tents and getting settled. I remember walking and carrying a ton of motherfuckin' boxes, more than I should since they towered over my head a little, and some motherfucker had called out to me. All I heard was 'Hey! Kurloz! MOG!'. I couldn't see anyone, but I had remembered that voice from somewhere. I turned to the side to try to see who was calling me; when I saw her I motherfuckin' slipped on my own two feet and dropped everything.

It was a girl named Meulin; in fact, she was my motherfuckin' ex-girlfriend from a few years ago. I came to this city once before when I was... fifteen, if I remember correctly. It was a two month special, and during that time I was able to talk with Meulin as much as I could. We kept a distant relationship for a long time, send messages via email. One day she told her parents, and they disapproved. They said she was far to young to be dating; they wanted us to stay friends or just motherfuckin' disconnect from each other all together. She couldn't handle not being my girlfriend, so she messaged me and deleted her email. We hadn't talked since.

Eight motherfuckin' years passed since then, and she changed a lot. She was taller, louder, and... deaf. I didn't realize it at first. She just kept yelling and smiling, but she wouldn't answer me when I spoke. We were both very motherfuckin' confused; soon she realized that I didn't know she was deaf so she signed it to me. I happen to know how to speak in sign language. I was the one who taught it to her in the first place. She went through some horrific car accident, and everything got so loud she lost most of her fuckin' hearing. She was told she could be able to get a hearing aid, but her parents couldn't afford it at the time. She herself can't buy one at the moment because of all her current debts.

After getting all the motherfuckin' props back into the boxes I dropped, I had a small chat with her. I made sure to bring her to a place she wouldn't be able to see any of the current freak show members. She was a very happy person, and very hyper at that. I even introduced her to Mituna. They got along very well, though she was a little upset by his language at first. After a few hours, she gave me her new email and went back home. I simply continued helping with moving the motherfuckin' boxes once again.

She came back to see the circus the first day we had performed. I saw her parents, Diana Lejion and Simon Lejoin, and her sister Nepeta. I always found it odd that he kept his motherfuckin' wife's last name after marriage, but I never questioned him. He could get pretty preachy if he wants to, just like Kankri. Matter of fact, he looked a lot like the Vantas brothers... Never questioned that either.

Meulin and her family watched the circus from the backstage with me. She and her sister loved the show, their eyes motherfuckin' sparkling the whole time. It was beautiful, such a bright green glowing in the darkened area. Enough about that, at the end of the show I had Mituna bring the Lejions around to meet some of the performers while I had a talk with Jake.

I brought the confused motherfucker to my office.

"Kurloz, what would you like me to do this time?" Jake asked, to use to coming to my office for a quick 'errand'.

"Nothing in particular this time, Jake. I just motherfuckin' thought we could talk for a bit." I smiled.

"Golly, are you serious? There's really nothing to do today?"

"Yes. Can't I have a nice chat with my motherfuckin' brother once in awhile. We were so close that we couldn't be separated. One little motherfuckin' change and we just get far too busy. I thought we could have a little cool off."

"What about Meulin? Shouldn't you be with her?"

I sighed, "She'll be coming every day and staying 'till late. I'll have plenty of time motherfuckin' later. Now come on brother, lets forget about everything else."

From what I remember, we had a nice conversation. We laughed and goofed like we use to always motherfuckin' do back when Gamzee was still alive. We even gossiped a little about fellow members in the circus. The big talk one was that Kankri was very fond of Cronus. Maybe a little too much, as Jake puts it. We talked about his sister Jade, who was sick for a while and had just got better. It was funny being able to have the same feeling of happiness as I had in the past. Everything has just been work, work, and more motherfuckin' work.

"Geez, is that really how much work you have piled on you? How do you keep track of everything? I would expect piles of papers cluttering this office, not anything so clean. How can you even get everything done on time?"

"I work around it." I laid back. Then, I remembered something I wanted to ask.

"Hey Jake. You are the best motherfucker I have here, and I was wondering if you would... like to take the place of Gamzee?"

"What?! What do you mean?" He had the most confused, worried, and slightly hurt feeling. It was funny actually.

"I mean take his place for work. Other than certain side jobs I give you, all you do is tend to the motherfuckers in the tank. You could continue that, but I think I really could use you on my side for work. I can't converse with everyone by myself, and like myself, you are a very smooth talker. You know how to get things motherfuckin' done just as well as myself and I think you are the only one who could motherfuckin' help me."

"Oh..." he paused for a moment to think, "I already told you that I rather you use me fo-"

"NO. _I_ told _you_ plenty of times that I won't allow you to do that. You're too motherfuckin' valuable to me to undergo that. If you die... I don't know what I would do. You're the last _true_ fuckin' family member I have. I can't lose you over something like that."

"Kurloz, you know we aren't really blood related. And there's a whole ton of people who love you like family that you could easily go to when you feel down. It isn't like you are some stern boss everyone feels awkward around. You're a great guy. If you really want me to work with you then I would be honor. That's a really high position and I'm thankful you think of me so highly." He smiled, with conflicting emotions in his eyes.

I could tell that he was only saying that to make me happy, and that he really didn't want to work for me in that way. I was too motherfuckin' selfish to give him more time to dwell on the thought and/or back out. "Yes. It would be great if you could work with me more than you already do."

All I could remember was everything getting really motherfuckin' awkward from then. I was going to get all the pictures Gamzee drew to show him. Even Jake never motherfuckin' seen them. The only one who saw them was little Tavros, who was snooping around a while ago. Before I could get the folder out, Mituna bursted and fell through the door. I ran to him.

"Tuna! What the motherfuck are you doing here?"

He got up quickly screaming, "S-she! She SAW! She SAW THEM ALL!"

I knew exactly what he motherfuckin' meant and I ran out the room. I ran to the mermaids, where Meulin and her parents stood staring at Feferi, who laid on the floor. Jade freaked out; she was telling me that she had accidentally slipped Feferi and caused so much commotion that Meulin ran to help.

Meulin was talking, or trying, to Feferi, Nepeta was talking to the Vantas's, and her parents stared in horror. Feferi's scares were the largest of everyone else because her skin tore during surgery, which wasn't a big problem. She looked at me with a scared look, while the twins were too far gone in their motherfuckin' conversation. I was conflicted at that moment. I would have to force them into something they would probably not want to do or motherfuckin' kill them there and then. I really didn't want this to happen, and I knew this was an accident and not really Meulin snooping around like some motherfuckers do.

Meulin looked at me with a sparkle in her eyes that shocked me. She ran to me and signed so fast I had to motherfucking ask her to do it again to name sure I saw it right.

"I want to be one Kurloz! Make me into something, too!" She said with an overly excited smile on her face.

I explained to her why she couldn't do that. One of the big things being her parents and death. I could see Diana and Simon staring at her like she was motherfuckin' crazy. Meulin grabbed her parents aside and talked to them; She must have them by a motherfuckin' leash because she had the most bone chilling look I've ever seen. They looked terrified and actually said _they wanted to join with her_. Nepeta was okay with it, and Karkat Vantas had a smile on his face that... amused me.

Here at the circus we have tigers along with the lions. I decided that I would use the both for the Lejions, since Meulin insisted on the cat design. I killed two lions and two tigers for them. Meulin thought it would be motgherfuckin' cute if her father was a lion and her mother was tiger. Then, her and Nepeta could be half and half; the ears would be a tiger's and the tail would be a lion's and visa-versa. The ears and tails were 'gutted out' in order to fill with mechanics. The real body parts would be needed to make it look as real as motherfuckin' possible, but the inside would be just as electronic as the fairy wings. It would be wired to the nerves and the motherfuckers would learn to control the new parts.

It was fairly simple, and while the parents weren't happy at first, the sisters were. The only other thing done to them was motherfuckin' skinning their faces, most of their legs, most of their arms, most of their back, and most of their chest, and adding the skin of the tigers. With hormone treatments created with the blood of the lions and tigers used, the fur grew like they would on the animal itself. Meulin and Nepeta transitioned from one type of fur to another type going down their body to match their ears and tail. Their nails were grown out and filed into claws; their teeth were filed into fangs.

There were contracts signed, families contacted, debts paid, and things sold. Soon enough they were motherfuckin' traveling along with the circus and became a part of the Makara family. I began dating Meulin again, her parents were soon okay with the situation, and Nepeta was having a little struggle. Not a transition trouble, but a love trouble.

She seemed to get along with Karkat Vantas _very_ well, but Kankri was definitely having feelings for another. The three hang by the fishbowl most of the time they were on break. Kankri talked to Cronus while Nepeta talked with Karkat Vantas. It was really fuckin' funny seeing the for trying to talk normally when the brothers were attached and slightly facing each other. The shorter Vantas was a loud one so Kankri was constantly battling over him.

Yet another success for the freak show full of happy performers. They four cats did a lot of motherfuckin' acrobatic tricks and performed with the living lions and tigers. They were loved by most children who went to the shows.

One. Step. Closer.

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AN: LOVE ALL AROUND! YEA! So the cheesiness will end at this chapter here. It will go back to the horror. If only I could have thought of something worse. I mean, the process is bad... but they just didn't get forced like the first few }:/. Aw well. Again I hope you enjoyed! Thank You for reading }:D


	7. No One Will Stop Me

I shouldn't write this while I'm motherfuckin' hungry. It makes it hard to think straight. I actually wish Horuss was still with me. He was the main circus cook, and a damn good one at that. He cooked for everyone in the circus, including the animals. When he came to work with us, a lot of my jobs got done faster. Everyone was so motherfuckin' busy with practices and everything else that for a long time I was the only who motherfuckin' cooked. A person could only make so much food for so many motherfuckers. Horuss was a fast cook, a good cook, and he actually knew a lot more dishes than I ever did.

At first he came to the circus excited and motherfuckin' jumpy. I was confused why he would suddenly ask to be the cook, but I later found out he was Equius's cousin. The two had kept in contact and Horuss traveled to come meet with me. I had him cook one day so I can taste, and then the next day he cooked for everyone. He was perfect; just the motherfucker I needed.

He made ranges of different food for everyone. Not everyone ate meat, some ate gluten-free, some had diabetes, some people had motherfuckin allergies, and Horuss made something for everyone. It was also good because he was able to make food for the mermaids that could be eaten underwater without a problem. There was a slight change of the menu after some motherfuckin' time. When I say Horuss can cook everything, I really mean he can cook anything.

There was one day that I received a shipment of spoiled meat. This was on the day the circus was packing up from yet another motehrfuckin' performance. We had to leave on the road in the next hour and all we had were vegetables. That was fine for the 'human' performers, but that didn't help the animals. The lions and tigers _only_ eat motherfuckin' meat. There was no way to get them to eat vegetarian before we got to the next destination, which was two and a half weeks away.

I remember talking this over with Horuss, when he got an idea.

"We've had a lot of deaths of performers and trespassers lately, why not use them?"

That was a more shocking statement than Meulin telling me she wanted to motherfuckin' become a freak show member. How was I going to allow him to break the Makara family tradition of feeding the dead members to the lions! The trespassers, however, were tempting. It wouldn't be the first time I fed the circus human meat, and they would never know. An emergency is an emergency and you do what you motherfuckin' have to. I let Horuss do what he wanted with the bodies of those who died from their own curiosity.

Once again, he is a motherfuckin' fantastic cook. No one could have guessed it was human meat. No one but Meulin. I will never know how she motherfuckin' noticed, but she did. She didn't even care and ate it despite her knowledge. To this day she is still a very confusing motherfucker.

Everyone ate like unknowing cannibals until one day I got a little too motehrfuckin' pissed off. Equius wanted out of the circus! That motherfucker knew he couldn't leave unless he wanted to be killed then and there. He said that circus life wouldn't be able to give him the family he wanted. I couldn't believe him. The family he wanted? Did he not realized that he had plenty of people he could be with here? There are a lot of performers that have children together a raise them in the circus!

His huge muscled self wouldn't even be able to find anyone outside the circus! He was HUGE! How could that motherfucker find people who wouldn't get scared at him in first sight. How will he be able find a home, get money, and find a job easily when everything was taken from him anyways? Some motherfuckers really don't get the point of contracts. He even said to just void the contract. Motherfuckin' HA! Like I would ever do that!

He tried everything to get me to let him leave. He was annoying me with his constant questions and rereading of the contract. I was going to let him keep going until he got tired and opted against leaving. That was, until he said the one motherfuckin' thing that pissed me off. He. THREATENED. The. Circus!

He said he would leave on his own and tell the police about what I've done. About the freak show and everything else he could think of. That made my blood boil over. No motherfucker was going to fuck up all my plans of making this freak show real! Everything was flowing well and I had almost all the performers I needed to at least start the show. I did the one thing I could think of.

Equius had walked to the door when I whacked him with one of my pins. I had the surgeon tie the motherfucker down in a way that he couldn't get up again as I went to the elephants. I made quick work of taking one, killing it, and skinning it; I also took its ears. I gave the surgeons the plans, and told them if he died that I didn't care. I stood at one end of the room watching, and every single time Equius woke up I hit him with my pin.

In the end Equius looked like the biggest waste of motherfuckin' space. His elephant skin covered body was bulging with muscles and his elephant ears were touching the ground. His head hung low from the weight bringing it down. Even his motherfuckin' face had the thick, smelly, elephant skin on it. All he did was look up at me, said sorry and tried everything he could to make me fuckin' forgive him. He was too late.

Horuss wasn't even fazed by the change. I explained to him what and why I had the surgery do this to his cousin, and Horuss was motherfuckin' fine. Actually, he was more upset at Equius. He was telling Equius about how he knew about the contract and what came with it. He said he left everything to join the motherfuckin' circus because Equius recommended it, and suddenly the motherfucker wanted to leave. Horuss was confused by Equius's decision.

The meat of the dead elephant was later used as food for everyone in the circus, since we ran out of bodies to eat. To this day no one knows they were motherfuckin' cannibals for a while.

No. One. Will. Ever. Motherfuckin'. Stop. Me. From. Getting. Closer. To. My. Brother.

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AN: There goes another chapter! Poor Equius. This is what happens when you fuck with someone who's got his mind set... and someone who's willing to get other people to skin you... Thank you for reading *Super Big Smile*


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